Everything Happen's For A Reason, Right?

Thoughts fill my mind. And I wonder why things work out the way they do. Like Fate, Karma, Destiny, Purpose, Signs and Reason.

Like when you meet someone for the first time and you know you're going to be friends the moment you look at them. Or better; lovers! Or when you see their picture and read their body and think, "I want to get to know that person!" Or when you hear their voice and it calms you, sounding so sweet, and you think, "I want it to echo in my mind forever."

I've come to realize that those never end. They never fade. If that person breaks your trust, they're gone. But not the image, or that voice. It makes you think really fucking hard. "Why did I meet them? Why did I want them in my life? Why did I love them so much?"

I realized for me (and it may be the same for you), that I wanted them in my life. To learn from them. I've been taught many things by the people who've come and gone in my life. That's mainly my parents and my ex-boyfriends. The people who hurt me the most. Amazing. They have made the most impact in my life., because pain is an open wound you'll always feel. That is, until you find a way to make it heal.

I've learned the most from my parents and ex's. Although, at times I'm still left confused by them. I ask questions like, "What happened? What went wrong? Why did they leave me? Why couldn't I just put up with it?" Simple answer. They weren't meant to stay. My parents left me strong enough to let go, or leave. To not put up with violence or have someone talk down to me. Those were my lessons. Now as I move on in life, I look for those who won't hurt me like that again. But it will teach me to live my life as pure as possible. I have the choice to stay or leave.

If I didn't have that choice to move on, I wouldn't have had the courage to be in the wonderful relationship I am now. I'm happier now.

If my ex hadn't hurt me, we would have been together forever. That was the deal that we made. He and I were friends for five years. There were signs and run-ins with one another, and everything just seemed to fit. And I put a lot of my trust in him., but he broke that deal and I couldn't look at him the same way. He lied and I saw in him that he didn't love me like he said he did. If you loved someone you wouldn't hurt them like that. I now see it and believe it was for the best. It's what life wanted. I wasn't meant to be with my ex (or the one before him). If we were meant to be, I'd still be by his side. He says now that he loves me still, and that he'll never stop loving me. And I simple reply, "It's awesome that you have love in your heart, but I don't believe it's just for me and only me. You've learned from what you did to me, so now go and make someone else happy knowing what you now know. We're not meant to be together. Everything happens for a reason. We should learn from that reason."

I do care about him still. But I will never go back to him. I know him and the cards he plays -- and he cheats. He lost my trust but not my love for him as a friend. And if he can't handle that, then I'll just disappear and become a memory. I can't sit here and listen to the same broken story. It's over. He threw it all away. You can't bring it back, because it's just not the same.

So now in my life, I have found someone new. He brings a smile to my face every time I see him. It feels like I fit perfectly in his arms. I miss him everyday we're not together. I know he would never hurt me. He try's so hard to make sure I'm ok. I know he thinks about me when I'm not there. And that's beautiful to me. Everything just fell into place. We'd go to Santa Cruz and talk for hours. Or we'd go hiking. We make each other happy. And at the moment that's all that matters. Never look back. Always look forward.